The Exhumation

It has been a very long time hasn't it, Blog? This post may as well be your resurrection assuming that without the 'bookmarking' capabilities of my computer, I would  never have been able to find you again. And why not call this post something as ridiculous as The Exhumation, after all someone  strange enough to talk to a text box like an old friend, and think of something so literarily morbid as the above title may very well be expected to revisit a long-neglected blog.

But cobwebs aside, it's time for me to give my Facebook updates a break and do some real writing. Writing is a wonderful thing isn't it? Can anything really parallel how ridiculously impactful these 26 letters can be once rearranged into poems or sonnets, novels, love letters, hate male (or critiques), or maybe even a lowly blog like this one. No Offense. 

Whatever the caliber, writing is arguably the biggest influence on life, next to experience. Experience being the mother of knowledge and the father of wisdom, but the wise learn from others harm and the fools from their own. So of course I am glad that I too have been able to share in the symptomatic wisdom that has resulted from the experiences of others written into the pages of books. It is so true that there is something learned every time a book is opened, and books give no wisdom where there was not wisdom before. In some odd way we are all sitting on the shoulders of others' great experiences, learning and reaching further into new pitfalls in order to hoist up the next. Soon will we run out of experiences to learn from for one another, and to write about in order to share yet another lesson with each other? 

Maybe. But something tells me I will find plenty of my own mischief to write about, and maybe pave the way to the next for someone else to discover and pass on. 

Nice to see you again old friend, plenty of tangled versions of these 26 to come. 

Monkey Backpacks

Assuming we are all adults here, there is an understanding of those maturity mile-stones that everyone hits on their way to becoming an entire human being made up of all of our complexities, mistakes, and successes. I was aware that I would one day be sat in a room and endure an uncomfortable lecture on my upcoming puberty. I was aware that I would one day wear a prom dress, fall in love, lose that love, start college courses, have sex, ect. But what I wasn't told is there are all of these micro-moments of maturity that happen, sprinkled in among the bejeweled fancy milestones. These moments happen without cheesy photos of commemoration being taken, and without any sort of recognition at all.

But what about those spaces in-between? Those moments where you are in independence-limbo... am I a child, am I an adult? What do I have a say in, or what do I leave to those who raised me? I buy my groceries, but I used the money they give me. I manage my time with no help at all from my folks, and yet they are helping me pay for the roof over my head. As a 20 year old, junior in college my parents are still siphoning me money every month. 200 dollars to be exact; enough for nothing important but without it I wouldn't be able to do anything at all. My parents also still change the oil in my car, and buy me tires when I get a flat. I feel like the child everyone pities at the mall with the leash around their middle disguised like a monkey backpack.

Here I am racing toward my independence, reaching for everything that excites me; knowing full well that if I were on my own I would be completely screwed but still throwing a tantrum that I am tethered to my mother.  But then again, as a 20 year old would I really be all that helpless in the big bad world all by myself? Do I still need my monkey backpack? 

I'm living in this world that is open to all possibilities, my future is bright. I am the college student fresh to learning, with small hands and big eyes reaching for everything the world has to offer. But I am still being supported. This is an awkward moment, a stepping stone on the way to whats next...and I'm not sure how I feel in this space.  I wonder if other students my age are as conflicted. I see myself as an educated person, with ideals and opinions on early every topic in the repertoire of our media and curriculum matter (common symptom of being a know it all college student), and yet I'm relying on my "mommy" for trivial things.  To my defense, this isn't all my fault, the banks, medical community, university, and career world still sees me as a kid. In fact nearly every institution out there would view me as a "dependent". And yet that identifier is grotesque and offensive to me. 

I have no answer to this dilemma of mine, and I'm not sure there is any real problem with this to correct.  I suppose for now I will just have to continue to put on my "adult pants" every morning, with the knowledge in the back of my mind that my parents bought them for me, and choose to march on toward an independent future. On to more milestones, onto more moments of growth, and perhaps one day I can pull up pants that I bought myself and fill their pockets with money I have earned. Then march my I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T butt straight for my dreams.  I can't wait for that day, but I will have to.... because without the acceptance of my dependency on my parents today , my tomorrow will not be nearly as bright as it would be otherwise.   I suppose I will just have to humble myself, take my self worth down a notch or two and realize that that damn backpack is still a necessity for me. Although they are less cute at the age of 20. 

Chris Abani Muses on Humanity

"The world is never saved in grand gestures but in the simple accumulation of gentile, soft, almost invisible acts of compassion....everyday acts of compassion."  - Chris Abani.

This man, this wonderful man, is a poet and an activist. I listen to this video every time I start to feel my dreams for activism, Africa, and Ubuntu start to get weak. I go to this video for strength nearly once a week. 

Chris Abani muses on Humanity

Please watch this video, It is so powerful. 

Bah Bah Black Sheep

Every family has a black sheep, I happen to be my families. This isn't because of the reasons that come to mind when you hear the description, "Black sheep". I am not perpetually rebellious, I do not have excessive tattoos or piercings, I haven't even ever been sent to the principles office. I am my families black sheep based on the observation that I stand out from what they propose as normal, and dream of being different. 

My dreams are to travel abroad to sub-saharan Africa, helping oppressed women and children there while living a remarkably, unconventional life. This is scary for my mother, and for the other members of my family because this means I don't fit in with the societal flock. For the life of me I cannot convey the love I have for my dreams, and how much drive I have to accomplish them. There is no way I can change the perspective of another person. That’s the bad news, it’s rarely  simple to change someone’s worldview. To those on the outside, examples of successful non-conformists aren’t very persuasive, because they’ll always find reasons why someone else’s success can’t be replicated.

The good news is though is that I can influence my families opinion through my actions, and by leading with my ambitions. I have had to realize that they will never change their outlooks on conformity through arguments about the meaning of money, success, and education. But if I show the success I can bring about for myself through following my dreams, people just cannot help but notice someones persistent/determined spirit. My mother used to tell me that I have a bright light about me, and I always thought that  was just the motherly love she had for me talking. She is a wonderfully optimistic person, but she is scared of one thing; that is that her daughter will make mistakes that will effect her future negatively. She worries about me because I am so unsatisfied with the status-quo. I think this is a very common obstacle for people like me, people who are in search of something more.

** mom, if your reading this...whatever light you say I have, I got from you, but I am using it in a different way; to light the way for others.**

The challenge I face, and I think many others face as well, is to be courageous in the face of opposition from those who love you. This is no small challenge, since you would much rather fight bad guys, dragons, terrorists or something that is clearly evil. Your family isn’t evil and you probably can’t ignore them, but you also can’t ignore your dreams for very long without letting them die.

Some battles are better won by example than by persuasion. You can talk forever about the adventure you’d like to take, why you want to study a subject you’re interested in instead of one they think would lead to better career options, or whatever. And by following this well-trod path, you may make marginally incremental progress in the form of compromise.

All I can do is explain through my actions that these are my dreams, and I am holding onto them with both hands. If that means I am unconventional, naive, or a black sheep in your understanding. I don't mind the marginalization, more often than not, they’ll get used to it over time. I'll eventually earn my right to freedom, and maybe even some grudging respect.

"Then they’ll say, oh, there goes _____ again. That’s just what she does. Or they’ll think, _____ has another crazy idea… but the last one worked out pretty well for her." 

I predict though that a funny thing will happen, they may learn from the decisions I have made , and how I stepped out and faced down my fears. Maybe they will realize that some of my fears have to do with them, but by then it wont matter. 

So for those of you in small towns, or in cultures where non-conformity is implicitly misunderstood, or for anyone else who feels pressured to be like those around them, it’s all up to you to lead by example. Who knows, maybe some of your family will end up changing with you. Wouldn’t that be something?

Break Out Of The Conformity Cage

Recently I have been in the freshman state of mind, that mindset that there must be something more to this life and what I can as opposed to what we are "supposed to do". This blog is generally for those who are unsatisfied with the norm, and want to change the world.

Right now I am reading a book called, The Art of Non-Conformity by Chris Gullebeau. In short, it is quickly becoming one of my all time favorites...it should be required reading for life. Personally I am not reading the book for any class, or requirement, but because I am in search of meaning in my own life.

Anyway the book had an interesting section called The Five Monkeys and the Clear Alternative. The section notes an experiment by a sadistic scientist...I'll explain.

Five monkeys were thrown into a cage together. They were given enough food and water to sustain them but not really to satisfy them. Hanging from the very top of the cage was a large bushel of bananas...yum right? Conventionally, a ladder was built leading up to the bananas and naturally one by one, monkeys climbed the ladder in pursuit of the food. But when one tried to get to the treat, they would be hosed down with ice cold water. But not just the climber- all of the monkeys at the bottom of the cage would be hosed down as well.
The monkeys tried multiple times to get to the bananas at the top of the cage. And time and time again the monkeys received the punishment of their fellow monkey's boldness. So the others began to pull down any monkey that tried to climb the latter. No monkey could try to get to the bananas without the others stopping them first.

Then, one monkey in the cage was taken out of the cage and a new one was added to the bunch. The new monkey tried a few times to get to the top of the cage but unsurprisingly, the others pulled it down. Then one by one new monkeys were traded into the bunch, and after a while none of the original monkeys were in the cage. None of the monkeys in the cage had ever been hosed.
But because of learned behavior, every time the newest monkey would try to climb the ladder, they would be pulled down. None of the monkeys had ever been punished with the hose, and had no reason behind not climbing the ladder... it was just how it was.

Whats the point? Well just like the monkeys in the cage ignoring the bananas above them, the choice of an average life represents a life of normality. I wish i could say it is a conspiracy, and the book goes into much deeper detail, but its the honest truth. No sadist has thrown us in a cage. Instead its a contagious pattern of settling for what is "normal" or "good enough". Obvious to the world that surrounds us, the life of sleepwalkers (what the book calls the people who just go along) offers little risk and little reward. No one will ever fault sleepwalkers, me included. Theres just one big problem with it, for those of us who long for a life of adventure, the life of sleepwalking sucks.

Fortunately, we don't have to be caged monkeys, we are free to climb the ladder, grab the bananas, and even escape from the cage. Have you ever heard about how its easier to ask for forgiveness than permission? This is TOTALLY true, but there's even more good news: there are very few things you need to ask forgiveness or permission for.

If your stuck in a cage, its time to smash the glass around you and craw out. You don't need anyone's permission to climb the ladder, and you don't need to apologize or escaping. If the sleepwalking life is the "real world" of the unremarkably average, the clear alternative is the "living world" of adventure. Come join the living world; open to all who are willing to embrace life as the adventure it should be.

Check out that badass, non-conformig bird

(made me laugh)

The Art of Non-Conformity

When you were a kid and wanted to do something your parents or teachers didn't like, you may have heard the question, "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?" The idea is that it's not good to do something stupid, even if everybody else is doing it. The logic is, Think for yourself instead of following the crowd.

Its not bad advice, even if its sometimes used to exert power rather than to support independent thinking. But one day, you grow up and suddenly the tables are turned. People start thinking you have to behave very much like they do. If you disagree and don't conform to their expectations, some of them get confused or irritated Its almost like they are asking, "Hey, everyone else is jumping off the bridge. Why aren't you?"

I wrote this to bring about a childhood message to adult application. Screw those people jumping off the bridge. Make your own decisions. Live your own life.

Asking "why?" to everything like a three-year-old is helpful in making sure you don't jump off the bridge without at least considering the alternatives. Whenever you find yourself confronted by a request, obligation, r expectation you don't like, it helps to look carefully for the motivations and rationale behind what you hear.

When you ask and the answer comes back "because thats what your supposed to do," you know you're looking out over the bridge again. In the average day, you'll confront this reality many times- in work, relationships, and in the countless decisions and choices you are required to make. The presence of the bridge and the expectations of other people are somewhat unavoidable. whether you jump or not, however, is entirely up to you.

Even if the people giving it to you weren't that great at following it themselves, the counsel you may have received at a young age is correct. Why jump off the bridge just because everyone else is doing it? You can step back from the ledge, turn around, and walk away into new adventures that had preciously been only fleeting ideas. You can also help others to walk away from the bridge, or you can rewrite the rules that brought you to the bridge in the first place. The possibilities are unlimited but it all begins with the deliberate choice to think differently.

"Budrus" Documentary...Palestinian Struggles

Tonight I was lucky enough to go see an amazing documentary at the local Kenworthy Theater in my sleepy little college town. 

the documentary was all about the Palestinian and Israeli conflict in the middle east....snore ? Not at all! Of course there are numerous articles, documentaries and commentaries about this particular conflict. But this video took a different approach to the issue. They focused on the small village of Budrus in the west bank of Palestine. 

While dealing with the sensitive subjects of the west bank, and the lives lost to terrorist attacks in the recent years, the Israelis decided to put up a fence (red line) for their protection along the 1967' borders (green line). It was said to be a divider for safety for the Israeli people. But there is a second story. Ill try to explain, short and sweet.  

The map of the borders between the two states and the wall are -->

Strange its not along the border itself right?  RIGHT! 

Strategically there are israeli settlements along the border (green) there are also lots of water reserves that supply the palestinian villages on the other side of the divide...like Burdus. 

The wall is set up squiggly like that in order to take the best for the israeli settlements and in some cases cut right through palestinian villages. 

This was what was to happen to Burdus, the wall was to be built through the village. the wall would take away a large portion of the agriculturally- dependent peoples' farmland, as well as their communities cemetery. 

In Burdus their olive trees are their entire lively hood...one woman said they are as precious as their children. They give them the names of their mothers, its just part of their culture to be that connected with their earth. They have the right to keep it, if you uproot the trees your uprooting them.

The villagers band together and engaged in totally non-violant protests against the jewish militia, and although they were often brutalized and beaten...the men AND women of the community fought off the building of the wall and set a  non-violent example for other palestinian villages in the area. Due to their impressive, dedicated, and peaceful protests and marches. The enraged Israeli government were forced to increase their violence on the protestors, and for 10 months the Burdus people continued to protest in the face of horrifying brutality. 

But through their peaceful, and wise protests the government was forced to redraw plans for the fence closer to the 67' borders and Burdus was saved. 

Some themes throughout the film were peace, and how non-violence holds far more possibility for change than combat. Also, they faced the cliche of Palestine as a violent and terroristic people and showed a new face of Palestine. We should shed out previous preconceptions and explore the people as an independent people who are fighting for their land and their rights. Of course, I too associated Palestinians as a whole as being terrorists...but the truth is that the people are individuals. Although there are some who act out through violence, there is a large and powerful  movement amongst the Palestinian state that encourages non-violent protests...and they are becoming the norm. Lets support this ideal :) 

Anyway this was something I wanted to share with you...false generalizations and all that. I would recommend this film to all people. Humanity brings about humanity, violence only brings pain.